In these dark times, you can find humor in a … colonoscopy?

What a crazy, mixed-up world this is! Just when did I begin to consider my colonoscopy a social outing?

“Oh — I know, I know,” I said to myself, waving my right hand in the air like a happy fourth grader who knows the answer. It was this year, the year that the coronavirus just goes on and on and on.

Well, anyhoo, it is what it is. Colonoscopy equals social outing.

Whoa — then that must mean that my gastroenterologist is my dream date. Fine by me. In fact, I’ve already told him he can’t ever leave and needs to be the one who always performs my colonoscopies.

Just why did I tell him this? Well, it was right after my first colonoscopy when he informed me that I need to have one yearly because I’m at high risk for colon cancer.

So was I worried about the “high risk for colon cancer” bit? Oh no — because the rapidly firing synapses in my brain were just trying to figure out how to make colonoscopies a more enjoyable experience. Oh yes — and I added, “Could we always have the same anesthesiologist, too?” (He was pretty easy on the eyes, too.)

Not to make light of COVID-19. My heart goes out to all health care workers and firefighters and EMTs and other front-line workers who must face this horrific pandemic every day. And of course to those who have lost their jobs and can’t provide enough food for their families. My heart breaks when I talk to someone with a family member or friend who has died from COVID-19. These are challenging and dangerous times.

But in trying to keep my sanity during this pandemic, I need to think of cheerful things. You know — like my colonoscopy. (My father taught me to use humor to handle stress and anxiety. God bless his soul — his wisecracking, ever-joking, ever-comedic soul.)

I’m trying to get other things on my calendar, but it’s not always easy. Let’s see. I could have my tires rotated or at least the air checked in my tires at the America’s Tire store. Those guys are kinda cute, too. Maybe I could fake a serious illness or accident and call 911 to get those darling EMTs and firemen to come by. The ambulance might cost me, but dang, ladies — you know what I’m talkin’ about — those calendar-worthy guys are well worth a few bucks.

Well, just hang in there folks. These mask-wearing, social-distancing, strange times have got to end someday.

Diane Duray is a Laguna Woods Village resident. Contact her at dduray47@gmail.com.

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